


Freezing Rain

by aliaoftwoworlds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:24:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9037205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaoftwoworlds/pseuds/aliaoftwoworlds
Summary: Written for the BSGC Secret Santa 2016, to fill the following prompts:1. Sam in the company of Jody Mills2. Sam revealing something about himself or his thoughts3. Sam being badass and protecting/saving someone else while hurtJody joins the boys in Michigan for what should be a simple, straightforward hunt. Of course, nothing is simple and straightforward with the Winchesters. Set immediately after Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.Edit March 2018: I've changed this to be just one chapter, covering only the first two prompts. Someday I may go back and actually write the rest of this, but for now I've fallen out of the spn fandom a bit. The first chapter can be read as a standalone emotional talk between Sam and Jody.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is set just after Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, because it set perfect timing for the first part. Because I set it in that time, unfortunately it wasn’t possible to work in Amy, Charlie, or Magda (*sobs*), and I couldn’t really find a place for Marin, although I would love to see her again. BUT, I love Jody to pieces and I see her as Sam’s sort of substitute mom and she’s one of few recurring characters who doesn’t seem to show an outright preference for Dean (I would feel bad saying that but this is the “bitter Sam girl” Secret Santa, so…), so here is some lovely Jody mothering Sam and also being badass and sweet and caring in ways some other characters haven’t been lately (or ever). I also found room for some wonderful hurt/badass Sam (because hurt Sam is my weakness). I must say, thank you for the prompt about Sam and the Cage, because that’s a sort of personal headcanon of mine and was the perfect excuse to write it in. Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Extra note: I'm sorry for the slightly awkward ending of this chapter. It was originally more drawn out, but I decided to move forward with more of a plot and so I had to take out some stuff. Also, I just want to let everyone know that I do love Dean, and he'll be in the story more later. The first chapter might sound a tiny bit Dean negative, but it's hard not to when you're talking about what Sam's thinking about. There will be more brotherly love later!

The shop was tiny, cramped even with just the two of them inside, but reasonably clean. Pictures and drawings of previous sales and potential designs were plastered to every available surface, which just served to make it feel even more crowded. The burly biker type behind the counter threw them a look that clearly indicated he’d rather not have his day of important magazine browsing interrupted by a nuisance like paying customers. Perfect.

If Jody had any doubts, she kept them to herself. If it was a sign of trust in Sam, he appreciated it, but he had a feeling it was more that she was just not up to arguing about anything right then. She had been pretty shaken up by the possession, something Sam certainly understood. He was the one to corner her the next day, to tell her that he knew what it was like, that it was okay for her not to be okay. Strength doesn’t mean pretending to be fine when you know you need help. She’d told him that once, and he was happy to return the favor. 

They barely spoke through the whole thing, and not at all to each other. Sam talked to the tattoo artist, showed him the drawing. Jody answered some questions but otherwise stayed silent. She’d seemed to be gazing into the distance, deep in thought and not too aware of her surroundings, and so it surprised him when she spoke up on the return trip.

“What had you so bothered?”

“Hm?” It took a moment to process what she’d said. “Bothered?”

“Come on, Sam. I know you. You’ve had that mile-long stare going on for hours now.” She hesitated for just a beat. “You were rubbing your palm.” She didn’t need to add “the left one.” She knew all about it, about his shaky grip on reality, about Lucifer and Sam’s insanity, how Dean had given him that stone number one, reality grounded in pain. Maybe it wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but it had kept him together at the time, and it was still subconsciously soothing to him, even after everything. Jody knew, because Sam had told her. She’d been someone to trust when Dean went missing, and again when he left after Gadreel. 

Sam had shown up on her doorstep with no warning, near collapse, not long after the Gadreel incident. Dean had run off the second it was over, and Sam was left alone in the bunker with his memories, his nightmares, and another angel. Earnest and determined to help as he was, Castiel’s presence had just been too much for him at the time, so he’d run. Told Cas he needed to clear his head, and hitchhiked across two states—barely eating or sleeping on the way, too busy replaying everything on a loop, kicking himself for the hundred different signs he should have seen, the hundred different chances he’d had to save Kevin. How easily he’d believed Dean’s lies.

Jody took him in without question, and the guilt of bringing all of his problems down on her still ate at him. Now, he had a chance to help her in return. He would never have wished possession on anyone—if there’d been a way, he’d have happily taken on the demon instead of Jody, after all, what was one more violation of his body in the long list? Some B-class demon is nothing compared to Lucifer—but knowing that he could help Jody get through this gave him strength, lifted some of the guilt.

“Sam?”

He jerked his gaze over to her in the passenger seat. She was staring at him with concern, and it took him a moment to realize he was gripping the steering wheel tight enough to whiten his knuckles, and that he hadn’t answered her question. Looking back out at the road, he forced himself to take an even breath and loosen his grip.

“I was just… thinking.” It was a lame answer, and he knew her sound of exasperation was warranted.

“I think I got that much. Care to share what about?” Her tone was soft. He knew she wasn’t trying to push him, just to let him know that she was there to listen if he wanted to talk. He felt a rush of affection for her.

“Just… the tattoo. It’s not infallible, you know. Make sure you check it, especially if you get hurt. Just a scratch through it can make it useless. I—”

“Sam.” She stopped his rambling. “We went over this. I’ll take care of it. What’s got you so spooked? You get yours scratched?”

He let out a strangled, humorless laugh. “Kind of. After, you know. Gadreel. It was gone, and I guess it freaked me out. Sorry.” He knew he was rambling. A moment later, he realized what he’d said, and snapped his mouth shut, but it was too late.

“Gone? Why was it gone?” A glance over showed Jody looking horrified. Her hand was hovering over her collarbone, over the new tattoo. 

Sam cringed. He hadn’t told her every detail of what had happened. He didn’t need her feeling worse on his behalf, and some part of him didn’t want her knowing just how broken he was, how violated he’d been. Sam Winchester, the man sharing a body with an angel and a demon at the same time. Must have been some kind of record. Maybe he should consider renting out the space.

He blinked back the beginnings of tears and took another deep breath, trying to keep his voice even and sound nonchalant. “Yeah, uh. When they got Gadreel out-out of me, he had me sort of… locked away, you know? And they needed someone to go in and, um. Wake me up. A-and the only person who could was Crowley. So Cas burned off my tattoo. And Crowley—” His voice broke and he stopped. He turned away, staring hard at the road, throat working.

“Crowley possessed you.” A trembling hand landed on his arm, tentative at first, then more firmly when he didn’t pull away. That was something she’d picked up when he’d come to her. There were times he didn’t feel comfortable with even the friendliest touch, when all contact just reminded him of how unsafe he was in his own skin. It was particularly bad when he’d first come to her, before he’d snuck off to get his tattoo redone, full of shame and fear. He knew she would make the connection.

“I’m so sorry, Sam.” Her voice was full of sadness and repressed anger. Reminded him of Dean, and he gave a pathetic smile at that. 

“It’s okay, it worked. I mean, I got them both out and got the tattoo redone, so, it’s fine.”

He could feel her staring at him. “That doesn’t make it fine, Sam.” It was soft, but he knew she meant it. He was more grateful for her than he could say; for her kindness, her understanding, her soft support. Dean was his rock, always there for him—well, almost always—and more willing lately to talk if needed, but he was still the gruff “no chick flicks” big brother. Dean’s response to an emotional outpouring was usually alcohol and denial, and sometimes Sam needed more than that. He needed someone like Jody, who would listen to him and accept his feelings, who would make him feel like his emotions weren’t something to be ashamed of. 

Like a mother.

That was a whole new can of crap that he didn’t really want to get into. Seeing Jody and Mary meet was surreal. Sam understood some of what Mary was going through. He’d been surprised to find that he seemed to connect with his mother more than Dean did, even though he’d always pictured it being the other way around. He was immeasurably grateful to have her back alive and well. But the fact remained that Jody had known him for longer, and knew him better. She had been there for him in some tough times, and really acted like a mother. Seeing them standing together tore at him unexpectedly. He felt like he owed his life, his full attention, and all his love to Mary, but in his heart he knew that Jody felt much more like a mother to him. He knew he shouldn’t feel like the two women were in some sort of competition, but his brain didn’t seem to want to listen to reason.

“Thank you, Jody.” It meant a million things, things he couldn’t possibly put into words, but he thought she understood. She patted his arm and they spent the rest of the drive in comfortable silence.


End file.
